One Size Does NOT Fit All

I think I've mentioned before the fact that I find my journey toward a simpler lifestyle can at times be a little lonely. I find myself questioning if I'm really doing the right thing when others around me seem to be heading in the opposite direction, more in flow with the rest of society. I have found the internet to be a wonderful way of connecting with others who have similar ideas and ideals.

BUT, I find at times I need to be careful to appreciate other people's ideas and journey in life and not simply follow their path blindly. It's great to be challenged and to get ideas from others but that doesn't mean that everything I read will be the right thing for me. After all, we are each made unique and our path in life is going to be unique to us. Just with all things, there isn't a "one size fits all" when it comes to Simple Living.

I want to talk about a few specific examples that have been floating around in my mind lately.

Let's start with being a stay at home mum. In a 2 parent family, having 1 parent at home certainly helps to simplify our life. I've seen the frazzled look of some mother's who work full-time and can't help but feel sorry for them and thankful that I'm in a position where I can choose to be at home. The question I want to raise though is can we really say that being a stay at home mum is best in *every* family situation. Obviously there are instances where the choices are very limited (for example, in single parent situations).

I have a friend who recently returned to work. She has 2 young children that go to childcare while she is at work and she suffers from a lot of "mother guilt" from leaving them. I've been trying to understand where that guilt stems from. Is her heart's desire to really be at home with those children full-time or does it come from some externally imposed idea that the best thing for her children is for her to be at home with them? She cites money issues as her reason for returning to work. Money issues that probably shouldn't be an issue given her DH is on a VERY good income. But on digging deeper, I can't help but wonder if *money* is what she considers a "socially acceptable" reason for returning to work. That any other reason would make her feel that she is being selfish. You see, when you dig a bit deeper you find that she really loves her job. She enjoys the kind of person she is when she is working and her DH notices the difference as well. He likes who she is when she's working. And for them at this time the extra money does help to release some of the extra pressures in the home. Can we really say that her improved self esteem, improved relationship and less financial pressure in the home is *worse* for her children than attending a quality child care centre and seeing a bit less of mum? I just don't think it's all quite as clear cut as that.

I guess what I'm trying to say with this is that we are all unique beings with unique circumstances and we need to feel free to make our decisions based on this, without feeling any guilt or pressure from either "side" of the argument. I'm all for encouraging people to stay at home with their children if that's what they WANT to do. I do feel sad when people say that's what they WANT and yet can't or don't find a way to make it happen. I'm all for encouraging people to follow their hearts desire - wherever that may lead (within reason lol). If your heart is calling you home, find a way to make it happen. It's a very worthy calling in my opinion - that of a stay at home mum. BUT, if it isn't, don't let guilt weigh you down. What you're doing may very well be the best thing for you and your family at this time.

Homeschooling is another one that I've come across. I've read many homeschooling blogs who advocate that homeschooling is the BEST thing for ALL children. No ifs, buts or maybes. How can they really know what the best thing for MY children is? Homeschooling is a great option for many families. But again, there isn't a "one size fits all" when it comes to education. We're all different. Why can't we celebrate our uniqueness rather than trying to "guilt" people into thinking one way is the only way to do the BEST for their kids? Not that all homeschoolers have this attitude - I guess some are just very passionate about what they believe.

Another area I've come across is frugality. When it comes to how we spend our money, we're all different. So I've been spending $100 a week on groceries for our family. I love to share about that and challenge myself and others to do better. Challenges are a great way to promote change. Does that mean that if someone spends more than that on their groceries, that they're not frugal? Or at least not as frugal as me? Not at all. I'd be the first to admit that I'm more frugal in some areas of the budget than I am in other areas. I work with what works for me and my family. You have to work with what works for you and your family.

So I've been trying to work out where all this guilt comes from. I was reading a magazine article yesterday talking about how competitive mother's can be about their children's achievements. It's getting so bad that some mother's have dropped out of playgroups and other similar things as they're sick of the competitiveness that goes on. I can't help but wonder if at least some of it stems from our sense of inadequacy. We fear that if we're doing things differently (or our children are) that somehow we've gotten it wrong. After all, we all want to do the best by our children don't we? And let's face it - parenthood is HARD.

I do think parenthood, simple living and celebrating our own uniqueness can all go hand in hand. But only if we accept that "one size does NOT fit all" and that we need to find our own path in life. The one that is RIGHT for us and our families. :-) And when I'm finished writing this post, I need to read it myself. Because when it comes to putting pressure on myself to do things like this person or that person or feeling that I *should* or stressing that I'm not being the best parent possible - well, I'm about the worst culprit you'll find. :-)