Self Worth and Encouraging Others

I was thinking some more about the issue of helping others that we were discussing yesterday. One thing I wondered was whether there is another factor at play here besides our busy lives that prevents us from offering a word of encouragement or some help to others. Our own self worth.

If we perceive another person as "having it all together" or at least doing better than us, does that make us reluctant to encourage them? Do we assume that they don't need any encouragement? Or do we assume that encouragement from little óle us wouldn't be worth anything to them?

One thing I have been learning recently is that how I perceive things is not always how they are. I guess this should be rather obvious to me given that not everyone views me the same way that I view myself.

Which makes me pause for a moment and consider the fact that other people may be the same. Perhaps I perceive them as "having it all together" when in reality they're just as unsure about themselves as I am. If I would really appreciate some encouragement, the occasional helping hand or note just to say "hey, just wanted to make you smile today", perhaps others would as well.

Then of course there is the fear of rejection or humiliation. If the other person laughs at me or rejects my offer in some way, is that only going to confirm my initial assessment of myself? Can my fragile self esteem handle an adverse reaction of any kind?

I wonder then if I have done that to others. In my striving to appear to "have it all together", have I pushed other people away (unintentionally of course)? There is a large amount of humility required to admit you need help and then accept help.

Do we sometimes deny people the opportunity to give? There is a great blessing in giving. Whether it be the gift of time, goods, services, a smile, encouragement.....and the list goes on. When we refuse to accept those tentative offers, are we denying that person the blessing that comes through giving?

I think I have a lot more questions than I have answers right now but this topic is certainly challenging me to think.

Does anyone else have anything else to add to the discussion on giving and receiving? It does seem appropriate at this time of year. :-) What kinds of fears or other obstacles stand in the way of you either giving OR receiving?

There were some wonderful comments made in response to my post yesterday and I plan on answering them once this post is completed. I would however, like to highlight one particular comment for those of you who perhaps missed it.

Beth said:

We have had some similar struggles and have taken a long time to recover. Life as we knew it to be became scary and unpredictable. For us it was about 2 years for life to reflect 'normal'. We have grown from this experience and look for joy consciously each day (we list 4 things each that were a source of pleasure for us). We also list 4 things each that we did to bring joy to someone else (a concept from 'Eat Mangoes Naked' by SARK). Our kids love this and it helps us to actively look for them. I actually make a practice to write mine down (they make me smile again later when I re-read my list).

You can read her 4 things in each category at the time of her comment by visiting the comments section of HELP. What greater gift can we really offer to one another than to make another person smile? I think by far it's my favourite because it doesn't cost anything, doesn't *have* to take a lot of time and is VERY contagious. :-)

What a wonderful thing they are teaching their children. To actively seek joy in each day AND actively promote joy in other peoples lives. I LOVE this suggestion. Thank you so much for sharing it Beth. I'm going to start this with my own children.

What are you going to do today to bring a smile to another persons face? Perhaps you'd like to add your suggestions to the comments section so we can all share our ideas. :-)

Introducing.....

....the newest addition to our family. And my new "best friend" (well, almost "best" - after all, he can't quite replace my DH now can he?). :-)




This is Rufus (I think that's what I'm going to call him). Everyone wave and say "hello Rufus". LOL. My DH bought him for me. After being together 13+ years this is the first teddy bear he's ever bought me.

Now before you go "awwww....your DH is so sweet" (which he is by the way) I should tell you that he bought me this teddy because I asked him to. LOL.

When we met I owned about 65 soft toys. I imagine he thought I didn't need anymore. Well, in a way he'd have been right. Throughout my teenage years, my soft toy collection seemed to grow exponentially. Some were gifts from friends and family. Many were from those soft toy machines (have you seen them? With that claw thing you have to grab them with?). I had a boyfriend who was very adept at getting things out of those machines. I even had one that had been won in a sideshow at the Royal Melbourne Show (by a different guy). That was in the days before they fell apart in the first 24 hours.

Now a couple of HUGE garbage bags of soft toys isn't so bad when you're on your own. It even isn't too bad when you have a husband to share a house with. As the kids arrived and started being given their own soft toys, I decided it was time to part with some of my own. I had to do it as a gradual process as they really were true friends to me and parting with them wasn't easy.

I also wondered how healthy it was for my marriage to have so many soft toys given to me by other males so it seemed fitting that I gradually let go of those. The fond memories remain of course. But it was time to allow those memories to be a part of my past and not my present.

A number of weeks ago it suddenly occured to me that my DH had never bought me a soft toy of any description. I turned to him and said "you've never bought me a teddy". I think he wondered where that had come from. I continued the conversation with "I want you to buy me a teddy".

One thing I've learnt about males in my almost 12 years of marriage is that if you don't tell them what you want (in a nice way of course), they have no idea. It's not that they don't care or they're not thoughtful. They just don't seem to *know*. Well, that's what my DH is like anyway.

So, did he rush out and buy me a soft toy? No. He promptly forgot all about the conversation. LOLOL. So the other day I said to him "you haven't bought me a teddy yet" and he admitted that he had forgotten. One thing my mental health issues have taught me is to have more compassion for people who forget things. I've always had a good memory and have found DH's lack of memory at times quite frustrating. Of course, I've also found my own lack of memory in recent times quite frustrating. :-) But at least now I understand that he doesn't mean to forget.

Well, the other day he remembered. I hadn't given it another thought since our conversation (during which I also told him a great place to go would be the Post Office) so when he turned up with this teddy, I was still surprised in spite of the fact that it was all my idea in the first place. LOL. This teddy is quite a bit bigger than what I had in mind. But he is incredibly soft and oh so cuddly. Just what I need when DH isn't available to give me a *real* hug. :-)

Another thing that has really helped my communication and relationship with my DH has been understanding a little about the five love languages. My primary love language is the giving and receiving of gifts. For a long time I struggled with the fact that I was so "materialistic" when in fact, it was simply that "gifts" is my primary love language. A flower picked from the garden can have as much meaning to me as an expensive diamond ring when it comes to the expression of love that I feel upon receiving it.

If you've never heard of the 5 Love Languages, I would encourage you to click on that link and have a read. It can really make a massive difference to your relationship. To give you a quick overview, the 5 love languages are said to be:

* Words of Affirmation

* Quality Time

* Receiving Gifts

* Acts of Service

* Physical Touch

My DH's primary love language is words of affirmation. As this rates fairly low on my own list, I wasn't giving him the words that he needed. It's not easy to express love in a love language that isn't your own. It takes quite a lot of effort and retraining the way you think. But it is so worth it if you want to take your relationship to a whole new level of understanding and depth.

The love languages are also so important when it comes to our children. If we don't speak love to them in their own language - they're not going to hear the message "I love you". So far each of our children has had a different love language - different from each other and also different from us. In fact, if our youngest child, whose love language is difficult to determine yet, turns out to have the love language "Acts of Service" then we'll have all 5 love languages within our family.

It's not always easy to determine what you or your loved ones love language is. For instance, my top 2 are very close. The second one for me is "acts of service" and it took a while for me to even decide whether is in fact was "gifts" or "service" that was my primary love language they were so close. Over time, I've come to the conclusion that "gifts" is actually a stronger love language for me than "service".

The easiest way to determine your primary love language is to pay attention to the way that you most automatically express love. I enjoy doing things for people. But I LOVE to give gifts. Big gifts, little gifts, whatever. I just get a LOT of satisfaction from giving things to people. My DH likes to tell me how much he loves me. If I give him gifts and he tells me he loves me, we're both speaking our OWN language but what it means to the other may not be the same as what it would mean to us. Of course, now that we understand each others primary love language, it is also easier to understand the love that we're trying to speak to one another (even if it isn't our own preferred method of receiving love).

When I talk about a primary love language, it doesn't mean that the rest of the languages don't exist for us. In fact, we all give and receive love in all 5 of those ways at different times. And it is important that we do receive love in all of those ways. It's simply that 1 or 2 of those "languages" will speak to us more loudly than the others.

The website www.fivelovelanguages.com is a great resource with lots of information to read. Dr Gary Chapman has written a number of books on the topic but you'll find quite a lot on his website as well.

Now back to the teddy. It took me a long time to get to the point where I was comfortable with telling my DH what I wanted. I always thought that if he loved me enough, he would just *know* what it was I wanted. It just doesn't work like that. His not knowing is not a reflection on how much he cares about me. It's just who he is.

So if your DH is the kind that never buys you the right present (or any present), consider coming right out and telling him what you would like. If you like surprises for Christmas - don't be surprised if your surprise is no present. Instead, why not ask him if he'd like you to write a list of ideas for him. After a number of years my DH has worked out that "stationery" is always on my list. So he'll now tend to get me stationery if he needs a gift idea. But he didn't come to that conclusion on his own. He had to have it written down in black and white in front of him for a long time before it etched itself into his brain. :-)

Unless your DH or any other male in your life is an exceptional being, he aint gonna figure it out by hints and whining. In fact, I think males might have one of those tune out sensors when it comes to the whine. LOL. Just use a pleasant voice and come out and tell him what you would like. And you may have to do it more than once - if he's anything like my DH, he will forget. LOL.

Well, out of all the teddy bears and soft toys that I have owned in my life, Rufus is by far the most special. It hasn't mattered one little bit that I had to prompt my DH to buy him for me. All that matters is that he's been hand chosen by the most important person in the world to me. And I won't be decluttering either of them! :-)

The Dreaded "P" Word

Some of you might be thinking the dreaded "P" word is "perfection". Especially if you're a good little flybaby (um...I was going to say like me but it's actually "unlike" me lol - I'm not a *good* flybaby). Nope, not this time. This time the dreaded "P" word is PAST!

Hmmm.....well, like or not, we all have one (a past that is). I'm 33 (and a bit) years old so I have 33 (and a bit) years of a past. Actually, according to some schools of thought, I have more than 33 (and a bit) years of past - if you include my time in utero. I guess it doesn't matter how many years of it there are, the fact of the matter is that we all have a PAST.

Well, this has been quite an interesting week for me in more ways than one. I brought some of my past crashing into my present. That's not necessarily a bad thing. In fact, in one instance, it's been quite a fun thing - sharing memories and prompting one another's memories. I won't give too much away about that one just yet.... but stay tuned. ;-)

Some other parts of my past that have cropped up in my life have brought up some very painful memories. Things that I *thought* had been sufficiently dealt with and left behind. WRONG! They had simply been stuffed deep inside of me, deep enough that I could pretend they didn't exist. Not deep enough that they weren't still affecting my life in some way (albeit subconsciously).

Somewhere along the line of my childhood, I became rather good at burying my feelings deep inside of me. It was a surprise for me to learn that about myself. You see, I always thought I was a fairly open person. What I didn't realise was that that was a facade. A facade that even had me fooled for many years. And under that carefully placed facade was a miriad of pain buried so deeply that I thought I'd successfully made it go away. I was wrong. All I had succeeded in doing was putting off the inevitable for another day.

I've mentioned before the fact that I had a nervous breakdown in May 2006. Physically it was the result of struggling with post natal depression for a couple of years. I was emotionally bankrupt. What was unexpected about this was I no longer had the emotional strength to keep all that stuff buried deep inside of me. Who knew that all these years I have been wasting valuable emotional energy holding all of this rubbish deep down inside me and trying to pretend it didn't exist?

In actual fact, this whole year has been a journey of me attempting to deal with those buried emotions and hurts. And it's been sheer hard slog. Not a lot of fun at all. Most of the time I desperately wish I could wave a magic wand and it would simply disappear. That my past wouldn't even exist.

Not only does it NOT work like that, it's important that it DOESN'T work like that. We can't erase the past anymore than we can pretend it doesn't exist. Whether we like it or not, it has played a part in *who* we are today.

BUT, we do have a choice about how our past affects who we are. Hard times suck. Hurts are hurtful. Let's face it, human beings have a great capacity to hurt one another. There is only 1 person I know who ever walked this earth that will never let you down and that is Jesus Christ. He was perfect then and he's perfect now. Every other member of the human race faces a huge struggle with imperfection. And as a result of that imperfection we are going to hurt one another and let each other down from time to time.

I have 2 internal struggles with this being a fact. The first is that I have very high expectations on myself. I am a perfectionist. I would very much love to be perfect (oooh, there's the other "p" word). And I tend to be very hard on myself when I don't live up to my own expectations. I'm particularly hard on myself if I let someone else down or cause them hurt. I find forgiving myself extremely hard to do.

The second internal struggle is that I have very high expectations of others. I rely on them not to let me down or hurt me. And when that happens, I find it very difficult to deal with. BUT, I don't tend to blame it on that person. I blame it on myself - that there is some part of me lacking that has caused that person to hurt me. Neither of these options are great. The fact of the matter is that most times when this happens, it's just a part of the imperfections of life. People change, people move on, people make mistakes..... Like it or not, it happens.

I have discovered something about myself this week as I've been reflecting on things. I am the kind of person who doesn't let go very easily. When something or someone means a lot to me, they mean a lot to me for LIFE. I'm not sure that all personalities are the same with this. I think some people move on from their past much more easily than others. Or perhaps some people have a greater tendency to simply forget things than others. A good memory is not always a blessing.

You know what? I'm not really all that sure where I'm heading with this post. LOL. I guess I want to point out the fact that like it or not, we all have a past and we can run all we like, but the past runs with us. Because it is inside of us and it is a part of us. But even if parts of our past (big or small) are bad, it doesn't mean that the bad has to stay with us.

You know the saying "that which doesn't kill us makes us stronger"? It's so true. I'm not saying I plan on putting myself out there to get deliberately hurt. But if we can make our way through hard times and hurts, we can use those experiences to grow in wisdom and understanding of our own humanity. I do want to point out that there is a difference between strength and bitterness. Strength brings with it an ability to see things from a new perspective. Bitterness will eat you up from the inside out and leave you with a hollow shell of a person.

I do think there is a balance that needs to be found. To some extent we need to move forward from our past. It isn't healthy to continue to live in a time that is now gone. It's also not healthy to deny the things that have happened in our past. If you feel like there are hurts in your past that need to be dealt with, I would encourage to find someone to walk this path with you. I have a wonderful counsellor who is helping me work through issues. I think without her I would be in danger of drowning in my own grief and pain some days.

Interestingly enough, I have heard the term depression to be described as being deeply repressed emotion. Since I have been diagnosed with having clinical depression, I have been amazed at the number of people out there who struggle with a similar condition. While I'm not for a second trying to play down the physical causes of depression, I can't help but wonder how many of those who struggle with it have a past that has been shoved so far down inside of them they can hardly acknowledge it existed.

I think I need to finish this post by pointing out the fact that I am in no way an expert when it comes to all things emotional and psychological. Our minds and emotions are very complex things. And each one of us is different. My hope in sharing some of my own journey is that it might encourage others out there who are struggling, to work on coming to terms with their own past and their own imperfections. Out of this acceptance I believe comes true love. Love of ourselves which in turn gives us freedom to love others more completely.

Sending you all ((((HUGS)))) just cos I feel like it. :-)

Jodi

Seasons

I had a bit of a sad moment on Friday night. We took the kids to see a motorbike stunts demonstration with live band etc in a large shed. It was rather loud and I'm not up to being out amongst people too much yet. After about an hour, I went out to the car to give myself a break from the noise, the smoke and the people.

I sat in the car and worked on my knitting. I'm so pleased I've taken it up as a hobby. It really is quite soothing. However, I must admit to feeling somewhat alarmed that I was sitting there knitting instead of being inside in amongst the action. I guess I associate knitting with the grandmother generation. I had a slight moment of panic and a few tears at what I was afraid I had become (ie old). After all, if wasn't that long ago that DH and I were in the midst of organising such events as these. I think I was about 7.5 months pregnant with DS3 for the last event we were overseeing (not exactly the same as this one but similar). DH found it quite interesting as people kept asking him questions about it in the lead up to the event and on the night as they assumed he was involved.

As I sat there knitting and pondering the turns that life has taken, a peace came over me. I returned to the thinking about seasons that I began back when I wrote my post One size does NOT fit all . I think right now I'm in a season of rest and reflection. Sometimes I want to fight against this season and move into a more "interesting"season. It doesn't work like that though. I think one of the many benefits of a simpler life, is accepting that life has ebbs and flows and to a point, flows better if we relax and move with those ebbs and flows.

Let's consider the seasons for a moment. We think of seasons as being weather related. Summer, Autumn, Winter and Spring. But they are more than simply a change in weather. They reflect seasons in life. Times of life and birth, happiness and heartache, death, dormancy, rest, hope, reflection, colour, vibrancy.... all of these words and many more may spring to mind.

You could relate these seasons to a day. During our "winter" season of the day we sleep then in the early morning (or not so early for some people lol) comes the spring. The hope of all that a new day brings. As the day progresses and the sun reaches it's peak, we have the warmest part of the day or the "summer". Then in those twilight hours (often accompanied by beautiful colours) we have the "autumn" and the winding down in preparation for another night of rest (winter).

I used to think that life was a nice straight line. You were born at one end of the line and when you died the line stopped. Now I'm wondering if life is more of a spiral. We move round and round through the seasons many times in our life. Perhaps not always in the same order and often varying in length. After all, the seasons in nature are constantly changing and bringing with them an element of surprise.

Being in a "winter" doesn't mean that the end is near. It's simply a time to rest and reflect. A time to recharge the batteries, to learn and to grow and be ready for the spring-time when it comes.

We need to be careful when we compare ourselves to others. Perhaps we aren't in the same "season" as them right now. What's right for one person won't necessarily be right for another. Perhaps it will be at another time. Perhaps it never will be.

Whatever season you're in right now. Take the time to enjoy all that that season brings to your life. There is richness and beauty and meaning in every season of life that we experience - if only we take the time to notice.

Baby Steps

Last night I made my own Tortillas for the second time. :-) Do you remember me saying I wasn't sure if I would make them again or not? This time I decided to apply the baby step principle. Made the dough and left it to rest. Came back and divided it up into balls and placed them in a sealed bowl. Came back a little while later and rolled out 4 of the balls into Tortillas and placed them on a dinner plate, covered in plastic to stop them drying out (used cut up bread bags between them so they didn't stick together). It took just another 2 stints of rolling out 4 Tortillas to complete the task. Come tea time I was nowhere near as worn out as I had been last time (when I rolled all 12 just before tea).

Well they were once again a HUGE hit with the family so I'm glad I've come up with a method of making them which seems less of a chore and more of a pleasure. I can see they're going to become a regular on our menu plan.

It got me thinking about the whole concept of baby steps and how much of a wonderful concept this has been for me. I know it's not a new concept. I first heard of it from www.flylady.net . I'll admit I don't follow her "system" completely - but I do like a lot of her concepts and have found them quite helpful.

I'm the kind of person who gets easily overwhelmed. If it feels like a task is going to take me a long time, I can't seem to even think about starting it. Breaking it down into smaller steps seems to work really well and takes away some of that overwhelmed, panicked type feeling I get. I think my DD might be similar. I've noticed when it comes to tidying up her room, she will dissolve into tears of desperation very quickly. But if I ask her to pick up 10 things or pick up her clothes off the floor - she can manage that quite cheerfully. It's just about breaking it down into babysteps.

I guess another aspect of my personality that lets me down is my impatience. I like things to be achieved "yesterday". :-) I'm sure that's something many of you will find familiar. We live in a fast paced society where everyone is in a huge hurry - even if they have no idea why. Like the saying "Rome wasn't built in a day", I can't help but feel that most things that are worth doing aren't going to just happen in an instance. If I can be content to take babysteps toward my goals, I can enjoy the journey as well as the final destination.

There are so many parts of life where the concept of babysteps can be applied. From learning a new piece on the piano (or learning any new skill really) to recoverying from a major illness.

I'm having to be content with babysteps in my new garden. And we're taking babysteps in turning our house into a home. :-) Even our journey toward simple living has had to be done in a long series of teeny tiny baby steps. Of course, the concept of baby steps itself fits in very well with the ethos of simple living.

Well, I'd best be off and apply these baby step principles to the lasagne I need to make for tea. I've been procrastinating as I can't really be bothered. :-) The meat sauce is already made so all I really need to do is make the white sauce and assemble. I guess there's an area of baby steps I haven't mentioned - they only work if you take a step. LOL. This lasagne won't make itself while I sit here.

What ways have you found the concept of babysteps helpful in your life?

Peer Pressure

I wouldn't describe myself as someone who likes to be *different*. Especially if being different in some way might make me stand out against the crowd. I did manage to solve the whole "peer pressure" issue at school mostly by surrounding myself with friends who had similar interests to myself.

What I wasn't really prepared for is that the issues of "fitting in" and "not wanting to be different" don't really end when you leave school. There are the *in* groups of mothers at school and kindy, the *in* places to hang out and the *in* people to have as friends. It kind of annoys me that some people seem to have struggled to mature past the adolescent stage of life but in general it doesn't really affect my quality of life. The *in* people are still a select few and the majority of the population are more *average* like myself. :-) (I don't mean average in a derogatory way either).

However, there are still a certain amount of standards or expectations that are generally held within our society. The kind of car you drive says something about you. The size of your home (with the general consensus that "bigger is better") makes a statement to the rest of the community. Many people size you up by the type of clothes you wear - or more importantly what you dress your CHILDREN in. It's unreal the price of label brand children's wear isn't it. Do you work or do you stay at home. Do you have enough money to buy lunch AND tea at the football club or do you bring your own. How many family holidays do you take and WHERE do you go (or even HOW you get there - not even DH or I have ever been on a large plane, let alone our children).

The kind of job your dad (or husband) has and the kind of salary and kudos that accompany that job. Does your mum work? Do you have the latest gadget toys (before they drop in price of course)? What about a shack or a boat? Are you busy enough that you have to book in to see friends at least a month in advance? How stressed is your life (with more stress adding to your importance in society somehow)? And the list goes on.

I was relaxing in the bath last night and reading the Wellbeing Good Health Guide that I bought from the newsagent the other day. It's not a cheap magazine and I certainly don't agree with all the things they print but a lot of the articles really make me stop and think about my life. I love reading stuff that encourages me to think and challenges my thoughts and ideas. If you've not heard of it before they have a website at www.wellbeing.com.au .

The article was titled "Desperately Seeking...Me" and written by Melissa Rimac. She begins by talking about the horrible word "should". You know the one.... "I should be a good mum and allow my kids to play sport, take music lessons and ferry them here there and everywhere so they'll grow up to be well rounded adults". "I should be able to manage it all...work, home, family, volunteering...." and the list goes on. I'm sure we could all come up with hundreds of sentences or thoughts that begin with the words "I should....".

Here's where I REALLY struggle with the whole peer pressure thing. It's so much more subtle than the old "c'mon, 1 drink isn't going to hurt anyone" type pressure that happens at school. It's ingrained in us as we grow up in society. It's all around us. Everyone else is doing it so how can it be bad for me?

What's that saying? Something about if you're calm while everyone else around you is panicking then you obviously don't understand the situation. That's how I feel when I make choices in life that are different from those who are around me. I love my friends - they're wonderful people. But at times I feel like the direction I'm heading in life is so different to where they are heading and that scares me. It scares me that somehow I've got it wrong.

I don't want to be a leader. I don't want to be different. I want to follow the crowd. And yes, if the mob of sheep I was following all jumped off the edge of the cliff - I would probably feel quite nervous not to do the same thing myself. LOL.

Problem is, what the majority of society seem to be doing and where they are heading just isn't ME! I guess I'm on a bit of a journey at the moment to discover who the real me is. All my life I've tried so hard to please everyone else. Somehow the only way I could feel positive about myself was through the approval of others. And we all know how impossible it is to keep everyone happy. It's a very self destructive way to live.

Here's a quote from the article I mentioned that really hit me between the eyes.

"...the hollow approval of others is much like a sugar hit. Sure, it may give you a quick surge, but it hardly provides much sustenance or nourishment. Rather, it leaves you depleted and almost frantically seeking out something more wholesome."

Hmmm... how true is that. I think it leaves me seeking out the next sugar rush - and then I end up just plain tired and flat when the "blood sugar levels" of my emotions *crash*.

Here's another section that really spoke to me:

"Like the contrast between a lovingly prepared homecooked meal and reheated muck that's been in the bain-marie for a couple of hourss, choosing the mass produced option is like starving yourself of essential nourishment; your instinctive, unique and intrinsic thoughts, feelings and heartfelt desires."

I'm not trying to say that friendships aren't important or that how other people view me doesn't have it's place. I guess where I'm trying to head with my own understanding of myself is that it can't be ONLY about that. And that even if there is no-one else on earth who thinks the same way I do, that doesn't necessarily mean that I am *wrong*.

My head is a whirl of questions, thoughts and ideas. It's an exciting time in my life as I try to understand who I am and how I do or don't fit in this world. I still feel quite nervous about the direction my life seems to be taking. But I've decided that's not an excuse to abandon the journey.

One thing I do know - I never want to stop learning, growing and changing. So it's okay to follow this path and see where it leads. And if down the track, it no longer suits me, I can follow another path. If that leads me back to where I am now. So be it. That doesn't mean the journey hasn't been meaningful and an opportunity to learn and grow.

And if you're reading this and thinking "she's totally flipped a lid" - well that's okay too. We're all unique with a unique path to follow in life. It's time for us all to dare to be who we were designed to be. :-)