On Getting Older

Well, today I'm a whole day older than I was when I woke up yesterday morning. But being the day the old counter ticks over a full year instead of a day, I'm kinda a whole year older as well. Well, not quite. I wasn't born until 10 minutes to midnight (was almost a July 3rd baby) so the counter doesn't *officially* click over until after I'm asleep. I refuse to wait until then to celebrate though. :-)

I think this year is a significant one. I'm 33 and I'm finally glad to be me! :-) I still have some ways to go with the counselling I've been doing but there have been some changes from within and I feel different. Good different. I feel like I'm glad to be here. Glad to be me. That I was meant to be born. That I was meant to be pink (that's my inner child's description for being a "girl"). I'm glad to be pink and I can celebrate my "pinkness". This is a significant step for me.

I've been thinking about the term "old" as this birthday has been approaching. I've come to the conclusion that it's a relative term. When I was 13 and all my friends turned 14 I thought 14 was "over the hill". Now 14 seems very very young. :-) I thought being in my 30s would make me feel old. But surprisingly it doesn't. You have those odd moments when you feel a little stiff and sore (actually not so many of those now we have a new mattress) and *feel* old but generally speaking, I don't feel any different (age wise that is) to how I felt last year or 5 years ago and even 10 years ago. So perhaps I'll never actually *be* old. I'll just be me. A little more experience under my belt. Hopefully a little more wisdom. But not *old*. I guess in time I'll find out.

My mum is someone who has aged gracefully (and beautifully). I guess it helps that she's never really *looked* her age (at least a decade younger most of the time). But she's never seemed to have a problem with getting older. Those milestones people talk about dreading haven't seemed to be a problem for her. In fact I remember her being most offended when she was given a "29 again" card for her 30th birthday. She didn't have a problem with turning 30 so didn't see the necessity for such a pretense. I found that curious at the time but maybe now I do "get it".

So, I'm 33 years young and for the first time in my life I feel like I'm truly celebrating the fact that I was born. So in some ways it's really my first true "birthday celebration". Does that make it my *first* birthday? Or perhaps my first *happy* birthday. :-)