Goodbye November

Phew! November is finally drawing to a close. And what a month it has been!!!!!

I succumbed to my internal desire (with some prodding from a few internet buddies) to join National Novel Writing Month, completely unsure of whether I could possibly write a 50,000 word novel in the space of 30 days AND still do justice to my blog! If you haven't noticed my quiet sidebar announcement yet, I am officially a Nanowrimo WINNAH!!!!! Yes, you may bow down to my brilliant ability to say a lot of nothing in plenty of words. :-)

In an effort to balance the scales and pledge my commitment to maintaining this blog, I also decided to join National Blog Posting Month. That sure was a LOT of fun and a great way to find new bloggers and make new friends.

I am curious though as to whether I picked up any NEW regular readers from participating in Nablopomo. I know I had many visitors from the website and the randomiser but I also know I have visited MANY blogs and have only returned to a few. So if you found me via Nablopomo in some way and have decided to become a regular reader - can you let me know? (curious minds and all that....)

I am feeling very proud of the fact that not once did I make a post along the lines of "I got nothing but have to post because of nablopomo". :-) Not that I'm criticizing anyone who did. I just thought I may have to resort to that myself so I'm pleased that the ideas kept flowing despite the pressure to post EVERY DAY.

It is interesting how it can change the dynamic within your own mind when you have an OBLIGATION to post every day. But I did get used to it after a while and settled back to my normal routine of posting whatever seemed to pop into my head.

Now, being the sensible person that I am, I figured writing a novel AND maintaining this blog was enough to do for the month of November. Yeah right? Instead, I thought it would be nice to start a
new blog. Something rather different from this blog and also an opportunity for me to explore wordpress just a little. I had no idea how familiar I'd actually become with blogger until I attempted to use and understand wordpress. LOL. But it's been fun and as much as I find it difficult learning technical stuff, I do enjoy learning and stretching myself. So it's been a worthwhile exercise.

Now, apparently as long as I THINK I am going insane, I'm not. So as long as I'm *aware* that starting BLOG NUMBER 3 , also during the very busy NOVEMBER, is kind of a crazy idea....I'm safe from the men in white coats (are there really men in white coats?????? I've always wondered that......) Now I will admit I'm fairly passionate about blogging and all that but I NEVER imagined I'd be someone to ever have more than 1 blog, let alone 3.

I'm sure by now you're all in awe of my brilliance!!!! After all, she's written a novel AND maintained not 1 blog, not 2 blogs but 3 BLOGS!!!! (yeah okay, only 1 of those blogs was posted on every day - this one is still my first priority). All the while still reading and commenting on other blogs, attempting to learn more about blogging, trying to attract new readers to her blog because her whole self esteem now revolves around whether people read and comment and LOVE her. LOL.

Not to mention cooking nutritious meals for her family (ummm...... shhhh.... don't tell anyone that her DH is quite handy in the kitchen), ............love her children to bits (yes dear, I love you...now can please go away....can't you see that mummy is BUSY), .......wrap Christmas presents (yes, wrapping 1 present qualifies me as having STARTED my Christmas wrapping!!!!!!), prepare for a birthday party, wrap birthday presents......do some Christmas craft with her kids.....

It's a bird, it's a plane, no it's.......... "supermom" (note the Amercian accent there!) .......... LOL. As IF!!!!!!!

Wondering how all this could possibly be happening?????? You should see my poor neglected house!!!!! *sob*

Well, this is what my desk looks like. Actually that's not too bad a shot really, it can get a lot worse than that. Sadly, I don't work well in a cluttered environment and yet I continue to do so . Ooh, you can see my laptop in this photo so now you can kind of picture me typing away, talking to you! :-)

No, I didn't cheat and get Rufus to write my novel for me! He just looks a lot neater sitting on the chair than sprawled on the floor.......

Usually I have a mug and a cup and at least 1 plate there somewhere along with a packet of lollies, some dried apricots and almonds. I like to eat while I'm "thinking". Just like "umm...." in a conversation gives you time to think about what you want to say next, stopping to stick something in your mouth gives you time to think about what you want to type next.

I don't even want to THINK about what my weight is doing right now. If you ever make it to the bottom of my blog page - you may have noticed my weight loss ticker doesn't get updated much. That's because my weight is heading in the WRONG direction!!!!! I blame it on November really - too much sitting and EATING while typing copious amounts of........words (I was going to say crap but it hasn't really ALL been crap - at least I hope not!!!).

Here's another shot and to be perfectly honest, it was at least twice as bad as this yesterday. I'm cheating. These shots I took a couple of weeks ago with the intention of posting them in an effort to challenge myself into cleaning them up. Instead, I just kept adding to the clutter while ignoring the fact that my writing was keeping me from other more "domesticated" tasks. I should have taken another shot yesterday before I began to sort things out a little - that would have told more of the REAL story here. :-)

If I wanted to REALLY embarrass myself, I could go and take a photo of my laundry! LOL. But a girl has to have some pride!!!! I think there are currently 3 washing baskets with ironing in them and 1 with folding to be done.

What I'm trying to point out here is that yes, I did achieve a LOT during November and I'm quite pleased with that. But it did come at some COST. No-one can do everything!!!! (Well, maybe someone can....let me know if you find them). I'm kind of pleased to see the end of November and plan to spend the next few days trying to get my house back in order before it gets descended upon by 4 year olds on Monday!!!!!

Oh, and I've started a new feature on Lightening's Blogworld which mentions a few posts from this week that I really enjoyed. Hope you have time to stop by and take a look. :-)

Glass Deco

Over the weekend as part of our "gradual" Christmas decorating, the kids and I made some Christmas stained glass window pictures with a Glass Deco kit I ordered through one of our preschools fundraising toy catalogues. On Saturday the kids had a great time making these and then on Sunday they were most excited as I peeled each one off and stuck them on our cupboard doors in the kitchen.

This first picture is the one done by my not quite 10-year old son. Each of them chose their own picture from those I had found and printed off.

DD chose an angel. No surprises there! :-) (She gets to dress up as an angel twice in Christmas performances this year. Once for school and once for Sunday School. She is very excited about that.)

The black outlines are done first. I did them throughout the week in preparation as they're quite fiddly to do. This meant that on Saturday the kids were able to fill in the sections with whatever colours they liked. The sparkly sections are done using a Glass Deco confetti kit (so the glitter is already in the paint). I think you can get glitter ones in some stores too but this catalogue only had the plain colours and the confetti.


This tree is my "turning 4 this Saturday" little mans efforts. How cute is it? :-) I had to stop myself from encouraging him to use colours that I thought would be best. He needs to be able to express himself in whatever way he likes. He is so proud of this and points it out every day.

These are really designed to go onto glass - windows, doors, jars etc but they stick to any surface that is reasonably smooth. Stuck to my kitchen cupboard doors (the floor to ceiling ones) they sure do make my kitchen look festive.

I love things that the kids can do instead of using only store bought decorations. At the moment I am making some different pictures to add to jars for some of my homemade Christmas gifts. I'm hoping to have enough paint left that the children can make another one each for us to add to our glass back door.

There are some great Christmas colouring pages available all over the internet. I found these particular pictures here . I'm planning to print off some more colouring pages for them to colour in when school lets out for the year. Only two weeks to go now!! (my children have tommorow off so today is the end of week 7 here). They have a little over a week between school breaking up and Christmas Day so it'll be helpful to have a few fun "Christmassy" type activities for them to do. :-)

Self Worth and Encouraging Others

I was thinking some more about the issue of helping others that we were discussing yesterday. One thing I wondered was whether there is another factor at play here besides our busy lives that prevents us from offering a word of encouragement or some help to others. Our own self worth.

If we perceive another person as "having it all together" or at least doing better than us, does that make us reluctant to encourage them? Do we assume that they don't need any encouragement? Or do we assume that encouragement from little óle us wouldn't be worth anything to them?

One thing I have been learning recently is that how I perceive things is not always how they are. I guess this should be rather obvious to me given that not everyone views me the same way that I view myself.

Which makes me pause for a moment and consider the fact that other people may be the same. Perhaps I perceive them as "having it all together" when in reality they're just as unsure about themselves as I am. If I would really appreciate some encouragement, the occasional helping hand or note just to say "hey, just wanted to make you smile today", perhaps others would as well.

Then of course there is the fear of rejection or humiliation. If the other person laughs at me or rejects my offer in some way, is that only going to confirm my initial assessment of myself? Can my fragile self esteem handle an adverse reaction of any kind?

I wonder then if I have done that to others. In my striving to appear to "have it all together", have I pushed other people away (unintentionally of course)? There is a large amount of humility required to admit you need help and then accept help.

Do we sometimes deny people the opportunity to give? There is a great blessing in giving. Whether it be the gift of time, goods, services, a smile, encouragement.....and the list goes on. When we refuse to accept those tentative offers, are we denying that person the blessing that comes through giving?

I think I have a lot more questions than I have answers right now but this topic is certainly challenging me to think.

Does anyone else have anything else to add to the discussion on giving and receiving? It does seem appropriate at this time of year. :-) What kinds of fears or other obstacles stand in the way of you either giving OR receiving?

There were some wonderful comments made in response to my post yesterday and I plan on answering them once this post is completed. I would however, like to highlight one particular comment for those of you who perhaps missed it.

Beth said:

We have had some similar struggles and have taken a long time to recover. Life as we knew it to be became scary and unpredictable. For us it was about 2 years for life to reflect 'normal'. We have grown from this experience and look for joy consciously each day (we list 4 things each that were a source of pleasure for us). We also list 4 things each that we did to bring joy to someone else (a concept from 'Eat Mangoes Naked' by SARK). Our kids love this and it helps us to actively look for them. I actually make a practice to write mine down (they make me smile again later when I re-read my list).

You can read her 4 things in each category at the time of her comment by visiting the comments section of HELP. What greater gift can we really offer to one another than to make another person smile? I think by far it's my favourite because it doesn't cost anything, doesn't *have* to take a lot of time and is VERY contagious. :-)

What a wonderful thing they are teaching their children. To actively seek joy in each day AND actively promote joy in other peoples lives. I LOVE this suggestion. Thank you so much for sharing it Beth. I'm going to start this with my own children.

What are you going to do today to bring a smile to another persons face? Perhaps you'd like to add your suggestions to the comments section so we can all share our ideas. :-)

HELP

I am REALLY bad at asking for help. It's a pride thing, I know. But I wonder if it's also a cultural thing. Once upon a time neighbours were more aware of people's situations and therefore their struggles and would automatically lend a hand at times. These days it would seem that a combination of our busy lifestyles and our desire not to "interfere" has made that sense of community gradually disappear.

Isn't it sad that our lives are so busy that we find it hard to fit in reaching out to another? Isn't it sad that our desire for privacy and "individuality" has caused us to shut others out of our lives?

What about help within a family? DH and I have been talking about this lately. We've been trying to work out why his parents seem to want to help his sister and her family and yet seem reluctant to help us out - even when it seems really obvious to us that we're in need of some help. At first I thought perhaps it was the son/daughter issue. BUT, he has 2 sisters and only one of them gets the attention and the help.

Is it that they're not interested in helping us? Do they love her more than they love my DH and the other siblings? Does she appear more "needy" than the rest of us?

Sadly, DH and I have come to the conclusion that the only way to get help from his mother is to basically "tell her" this is what's happening. Occasionally I have gotten to the point of actually asking her for help, only to have her turn me down. This was very perplexing to me as it takes me quite a lot to actually ask for help and when I ask, I'm really DESPERATE. Not that she would know that I guess.

DH has taken over the "asking" now and he basically says "we need you to have the kids.....". And 99% of the time that works out well. I struggle a little because I feel like we're being "demanding" and that we shouldn't expect anything from her. We should wait until it's offered. I guess we've waited for over a decade now...... It's not that she doesn't really want to help. It's sort of a case of "the squeaky wheel gets the oil".

I guess on reflecting on all of this I feel a great sadness. A sadness that we've all let our lives get so busy that we just don't have the time to reach out to others when they're in need. I know that before my breakdown I was as guilty of this as anyone. I also feel sad that many people feel they need to put on an act of "having it all together" and not opening up to others about how they're really feeling. Again, I'm really bad at this myself.

So many people have commented at how shocked they were when I had my breakdown. Nobody could even imagine that I'd be struck by something like depression. Even my poor DH was rather shocked by the whole event. Me, well.....I knew something wasn't right and that if things kept going the way they were I felt like I was going to collapse in a heap. To be honest, I did try to tell my DH about it. He thought he could "fix it". :-) He's Mr "fixit" himself. He and I make for a bad mix when it comes to getting help because neither of us is very good at admitting when we need it.

I wanted to tell someone. For months I had it in my head that if an opportunity would come up, I would say something to one of my closest friends. Sadly, the opportunity never came up. Maybe I was supposed to *make* the opportunity. Maybe I was so used to putting on a "front" that I didn't know how to let down my guard enough to show people the tank underneath had run completely dry.

When I saw a Psychiatrist for the first time in January of this year, he diagnosed me with having zero self esteem. Not "low" self esteem but "NO" self esteem. I remember sitting and talking with a friend about this (finally getting to the point of opening up and being more honest) and she was rather shocked. Her comment went something along the lines of thinking that no-one would EVER have picked that about me. Do people really see me so much differently to the way I see myself? Sometimes, I'd really like the opportunity to just sneak a peek at the way others see me. Curious minds want to know and all that.

It's ironic that now I sit behind a keyboard and spill my guts in such a very public way. Not that the whole world reads my blog or anything. But they could if they wanted to..... :-)

In 2006 I was out of circulation for many months. In that time I was sent 1 card. Just the one. If I had been in hospital, do you think I might have received more cards than that? Don't get me wrong. We weren't abandoned by our friends or anything like that. Many people from our church cooked meals and cakes for us. I did receive a few emails. And people were constantly asking my DH how I was going and sending their regards and love via him.

But just 1 person of all the people in my life took the time to actually sit down, write a card and send it. To be perfectly honest, that hurt me a little bit. I know my friends care. I know how busy they are. And it's challenged me to consider how often in my life I've stopped and taken the time to write someone a card. Just a note to let them know I'm thinking of them. Nowhere near often enough.

I have been as guilty as anyone else of filling my life up to capacity and then some. Running from one thing to another. Constantly on the go. Constantly running so close to empty that there's nothing left to give another person. The hearts desire might be there. But if I don't act on it, how can that person ever know I was thinking of them?

I think we all need to take a step back and really examine our lives. Are we too busy to help someone in need? Are we too busy to bake a cake for our own family, let alone find the time to bake a cake for a neighbour or friend? Are we so busy trying to tread water ourselves that we don't even notice those drowning around us? And if we do notice - are we in a position to help them without drowning ourselves?

This is a challenge I want to take on myself and I encourage any of you reading this to do so also. As we move into the busy, festive season and then in to a New Year. Do we really want to keep living this fast paced life where people don't matter enough to us? Can we pause a moment and take a step back long enough to look around us and see how others are doing? Can we pop a little note or card in the post telling someone how much they mean to us?

What can we do today to make someone smile? What can we do to make their day just that little bit brighter?

Some of you may have noticed I've changed the title of this blog. I felt the old title was rather long and cumbersome. The definitions I've posted underneath are my own. They're not who I AM but who I desire to be.

What can you do today to spread a little "lightening" in the world. :-)

Time For a Smile

Blond Father

A blond guy and a brunette girl were happily married and about to have a baby. One day, the wife started having contractions, so the husband rushed her to the hospital. He held her hand as she went through a trying birth. In the end, there were two little baby boys.
The blond guy turned to his wife and angrily said, "All right, who's the other father!?!"

joke courtesty of http://jokes.comedycentral.com

WHAT was I Thinking?

My internal stress barometer is pointing at "in danger of explosion" this morning. Usually I work "better" if I have a little bit of stress in my life. I remember when I was at school and tertiary study, the essays that wouldn't flow would suddenly start to on the night before they were due. I think I only ever once pulled an all-nighter though and that was the night before one of my year 12 Maths CATS was due (they were each worth 25% of my final mark). Problem was, staring at the page at 3am in the morning didn't actually make the answer magically appear. LOL.

Aaaaahhhhhhh....... why does my typing like to self delete part-way through a paragraph??????? That wasn't what I needed this morning.

Anyway, what I WAS saying was that since my breakdown I have been overly sensitive to even the smallest amounts of stress so we've worked hard to reduce any stress in my life to enable my recovery.

BUT, at some point I need to rejoin the "real world" and that has been slowly happening.

What's going on this week that's making my stress levels rise?

* Nablopomo final week. I've made it this far. I am NOT going to give up now. It's been interesting though. I tend to pretty much blog daily anyway BUT the pressure of *having* to do a blog post has changed the freedom dynamic just a little. I love the exposure (I have had a number of *hits* from the nablopomo randomiser) and the sense of community it brings. I've enjoyed meeting new bloggers and making some new friends. It's only a tiny amount of stress adding the "have to" factor BUT those tiny amounts can add up. Oh and can someone please tell me WHY I had this desire to start up 2 NEW blogs during November??????? At least I didn't register them for the Nablopomo challenge.

* Nanowrimo. I've hit another brick wall. Thankfully the email I received this morning tells me that this is quite normal. Only 9,000 words to go which *should* be a piece of cake. I just need some discipline to get the next couple of thousand words written and then I think the rest will flow. However, I feel acutely aware that I cannot simply procrastinate on this because it's the LAST week. There'll be no more racing to catch up next week like I've been doing the rest of the month. LOL. I'm aiming to get as close to finished as possible by the end of tomorrow to alleviate the pressure on the rest of the week.

* My baby turns 4 on Saturday. Waaaaahhhhhh!!!!! I am SO not ready for him to grow up. Once they start kindy it feels like the beginning of the end (of their "little" years anyway). I still need to finalise his presents, buy him something yummy to eat (like a bag of freddo frogs) and wrap the presents. Oh, and find the card I made for him back in around February. LOL.

* "Baby" is having a Lightning McQueen birthday party on Monday. At some stage I need to finish off all the preparations for that. Fill the party bags etc etc. It also means I need to make 2 birthday cakes. One for Saturday and one for the party on Monday. AND remember to shop for the party food. AND remember to buy something fun to eat Saturday night. Last night I had a dream that everyone turned up TODAY instead of next Monday and I hadn't baked the birthday cake yet! It's was a NIGHTMARE. LOL. There isn't heaps to do - just the awareness of it coming up is causing my stress levels to rise.

* Today is my cleaning day and Saturday I was busy helping the kids do some fun stuff so I didn't get anything done then (I usually split the cleaning between Saturday and Monday) so I have MORE than the usual amount of cleaning to do. Actually, that could be a *good* thing as the physical exertion of cleaning will help with the stress. :-) Planning to alternate a cleaning task with writing 500 words on my novel.

* This week of all week's I really NEED to have a menu plan. But I have a sad case of the "don't wannas" (yeah, there's resident 2 year old inside of me lol).

* DS has decided to make today a whingy-whiny kind of day. So kind of him. Kids have great timing with these kinds of things don't they? LOL. All he's wanted to do so far this morning is EAT, EAT, EAT. Who am I kidding? That's what he does most mornings. It's just that I'm finding it hard to disuade him from the things he wants to eat that mumma don't want him to eat. *sigh* I wonder if he's absorbing some of my stress and that's upsetting him a little.

*DEEP SIGH* Apparently they are great for releasing stress. Whenever I sigh during a counselling session my counsellor tells me I should have another one. Oh yeah, have a counselling session tonight too and so far this week I have written just 1 journal entry. Ooops.

Gotta stop whinging now and go and start cleaning. LOL. It does help to get it all out on "paper" though. Well, virtual paper anyway. At least then it's not all rolling around in my head driving me crazy and making novel writing all but impossible!!!!

Hope you're all having a great Monday and that your week is a little more relaxing than mine feels. :-)

Christmas Countdown

Well, whether you like it or not, the Christmas Countdown is ON. :-) We're now exactly one month away from Christmas. I hope that makes you smile and not freak out. LOL.

It certainly makes me smile. :-) Did you notice my Christmas Tree widget with the countdown to christmas on it? That makes me smile too. No idea if it's in Australian days or US days but oh well, close enough will have to be good enough for now. :-)

I was thinking this morning about the fact that the US Christmas Season begins in earnest the day after Thanksgiving. What an awesome way to get into the "Christmas Spirit" than having a festival with the emphasis on being thankful. :-)

So today, I'm having my own little Blog Thanksgiving. That is, I'm wanting to be mindful of some of the things in my life that I am thankful for.

I am Thankful for:

* The birth of Jesus which ultimately led to me being able to have a relationship with my creator God.

* My husband who is the light of my life and I love him more and more each day.

* My beautiful children who make me smile more often than they make me tear my hair out. :-)

* My church family whom I adore. We go to the most awesome church that sits in the middle of nowhere all on it's own and is bursting at the seem with children. I was walking around in church this morning, no shoes on, rocking someone else's baby to sleep and I could honestly say there was no place I would have rather been right then.

* My extended family and friends.

* The fact that the sun rises each morning and sets each night.

* My blog where I get to have my say and through which I have made some wonderful new friends.

* My bed which is sooooo comfy and my pillow which I love! :-)

* Having a roof over my head. Not only a roof but a roof over a house I was able to design and choose colours for. A home that is also paid for. I am so blessed.

* A reliable car which enables us to move about and not be confined to a small area.

* My garden which makes me smile and gives me peace as well as giving us nutritious food to eat.

* Never having to go hungry or wonder where my next meal will come from. An abundantly stocked cupboard, fridge and freezer.

* The internet through which I have made friends and learnt so many new things.

* Chocolate. LOL.

* More clothes than I really need. Shoes to protect my feet and hats to protect me from the sun.

* The beach. We were able to take our children to the beach yesterday (about half an hours drive but we already had to go half the way for voting anyway) and they had such a GREAT time. It was an excellent reminder to me how much children really NEED in order to have fun!

* My knitting needles and loom which has brought me much pleasure, relaxation and created some useful items.

* That I have time to do things that I enjoy doing.

* That I live in a democratic country, even if I have my doubts about the outcome of that democratic process. :-)

* Freedom. I am free to have an opinion. I am free to believe what I like. I am free from fear of being harmed or persecuted in any way. I am free to be who I am.

* My books which are a font of information and a source of relaxation and escape.

I feel like I could go on and on and on here. My life is so blessed and I am surrounded by wonderful people and a LOT more things than I really have need for. It truly is amazing how content it makes me feel when I begin to list some of the things I have to be thankful for.

Do I really need anything more for Christmas? No, I don't. I really don't.

What are you thankful for? Perhaps you'd like to add it to the comments here or write your own blog post about it (for those who haven't already done so). :-)